I’ve been thinking on the fact the my blog is not enough international.
I mean, it is not international at all: I like to write about me, my life, my town, and I have to admit that is a little limitate view. And, I write everything in Italian. Now I’ve decided to write something in english, from time to time, and since I can’t write property in english, I think it will be fun.
I could start with a reflection on the american militar bases in Italy. Dear american friends, we like you very much, we like your technology, your movies and a lot of your songs. We like less your missiles, but we can tolerate them, because we’re friends, you helped us against the fascists, and so on. But remember that your are guests. Beloved guests, but guest: we can’t bear a guest lording in our house.
Imagine to invite somebody at your home, he decides to stay, and after a couple of days he asks you to use your car, and then your computer, and then he asks your wife out. Enough is enough, don’t you think? We already have a lot of your missiles in Vicenza: now would you mind please not to consider Italy your cubbyhole and keep some of your stuff in USA? Thank you.
See you on the next English article (I dont’know when, it is such a tiring job to write in your language…)
Archivi categoria: English
The only way to really know a woman
There are many ways to understand what a woman is like and how she will behave.
Some observe her clothing, others the way she moves her hands, others still the tone of her voice. But the foolproof method for grasping a woman’s true essence is something else: knowing how she removes her body hair. Hair removal, in fact, is—after childbirth and breastfeeding—the most feminine of activities, and unlike the first two, it’s also quite frequent. Well, following this line of thought, women can be divided into six categories.
The Little Bears. These are the ones who don’t remove hair unless forced by some social event, such as a beach vacation or a date with a new partner. Little Bears are lazy, carefree, traditional, tied to family and home, stubborn, and with high self-esteem: whoever loves me can follow me, curls on my calves and all, so to speak.
The Rugged Ones. These are the ones who use any blunt object just to get rid of unwanted hair (meaning all hair: Rugged Ones usually have short hair and would shave their heads bald like Sinéad O’Connor if they could). They use their partner’s razors (arousing understandable wrath), fish scissors, carrot peelers, lawn trimmers. They are practical, energetic, rather touchy, messy, and stubborn. If you love me, keep quiet.
The Scientists. These are the ones who constantly invent new methods of hair removal, adding them to those they find in women’s magazines and urban legends. They eat special fruit that supposedly weakens the arrector pili muscle, do exercises to weaken hair, smear smoothies on their thighs, and talk to their shins to wear down the resistance of their “carpet.” Scientists are cheerful, optimistic, stubborn, hopeful, friendly, and moody (because the joy of finding a new method is always followed by the disappointment of discovering it doesn’t work).
The Waxers. The Waxers despise the Rugged Ones because shaving makes hair grow back thicker and stronger, and envy the Princesses, whose lifestyle they cannot afford. They have certainly met a few Scientists and were perhaps Scientists themselves—until they understood that there is no alternative to wax: a strip, a pull, and… They are determined, stubborn, tenacious, meticulous, willing to sacrifice, passionate lovers but initially mistrustful.
The Techies. They bought their first mechanical epilator in the 80s—it worked with pedals—and now they own the Professional 3000, which the entire building can hear when they use it. Their faith in technology means they never miss an update, because they know hair is sneaky and develops antibodies, so it must be attacked by surprise with a new device. They are optimistic, stubborn, independent, precise, methodical, and creatures of habit.
The Princesses. These are the ones who go to the shampoo girl to add an amber touch to their hairstyle, who get manicures on their fingertips because the keyboard ruins them, and who have a designated beautician for every part of the body, with regularly scheduled appointments (on Monday Cinzia for the legs, Tuesday Alfonso for the face, Wednesday Loredana for the pubic area, and so on). They are insecure, stubborn, fussy, constantly in need of reassurance, and fall into crisis if the newsstand vendor doesn’t smile at them while glancing at their miniskirt. They are usually quite social and friendly, since being around others helps them forget their wrinkles.
P.S. All women are stubborn.